Saturday 18th of April, 2015

Saturday the 18th of April, 2015.
The date of my year 11 Debutante Ball. 

Isn't it crazy how something can begin one way and completely change into something else. Our little groups Deb Ball did just that. Originally the Sunday practices where just one and a half hours in which we could let loose and have a little bit of fun. However, by the end, we were all very different people... A Debutante Ball traditionally marks a woman's coming of age. Originally that meant being presented to a king in the hopes of becoming his queen, now days it just means we are no longer small girls dreaming of being Disney Princesses, we are whatever we want to be... For some, this transition from childhood to adult hood can be marked in plenty of different way. Whether is honorable or not depends on the girl... Some choose to mark the change with sex, drugs and alcohol. Others choose to focus on their schooling and get the highest end of year 12 mark they possibly can... But for some of us, becoming a woman just means finding yourself. Searching through what seems to be the craziest few years of a girls life only to reach the end a unique and respectable adult. 

Lately things have been crazy. Finally starting VCE in school adds a ridiculous amount of stress to a girls life, Then, there's boys... I don't think I really have to explain that one... On top of everything you have the stress of just making it through the day. From Janurary 2015 up until today (April, 2015) It seems like so many eyes have been on me, parents, peers, teachers, employers, strangers you name it.... and I know for a fact I'm not the only one going through this stress.

I know I still have a lot of searching to do before I really become myself, along with yelling, tears, breakdowns and possibly even the odd heart ache. The only thing I can recommend to get yourself through a rough or chaotic time in your life is to just breathe and enjoy it... Just because people expect you to act a certain way or look a certain way doesn't mean you necessarily have to do it. "They're more like guidelines anyway."

~ Amelia Owen ~

Stay true to you.

Just an Update.

IT'S EXAM TIME! 

The stress is out of control right now in the world of Amelia. These are my first exams ever and I am finding it really stressful. I am the kind of person that can work really well when I apply myself but the problem is I get distracted VERY EASILY. Long story short, last night I had a major breakdown... I sat at my desk, with all my books on my lap ready to do revision then realized there was no room on my desk to study. I also found out that we were having a house inspection and that I had to clean my room. Now I understand that these a minor things that can be fixed quickly but I don't do well with stress and so the tears began. I went and sat outside on our big freezer and cried for about half an hour, my thoughts were that I can't do this, I don't know what I'm doing and that I am a failure... Dramatic much? I couldn't help these feelings though. I walked  back inside and mum saw me, called me over to her, hugged me and said "don't let this beat you, you can do this, just focus.' It calmed me down a bit and I cleaned my desk up, wrote a list of what I needed to study and began working my way down the list. So that was my night yesterday. On the bright side before any of this had happened I had gone to see my amazing as anything boyfriend. He had bought me chocolates as just a little surprise and so when I was freaking out I had chocolate to shove in my mouth. :P Thank heaven for giving me this amazing man. <3 (I know, I know teen love haha) I can't help wondering if I'm the only one who freaked out like this, does it happen to other people? The threeexams I am most nervous for are English, Science and Food Tech. It's not that I am terrible at these subjects, I just think I will struggle to retain the amount of information that I need for these exams. My exams will go for an hour and fourty five minutes, so that's gonna be tons of fun.. I'm nervous but I dont think I will fail anything. We also found out our subjects for next semester and I have: Math Methods, English, Chemistry/Physics, Japanese, Sport and History. It's not terrible but I am dreading Japanese. Japanese is compulsory for at least a semester in year 10 yet I failed it at the end of year 9 for I don't expect o do well in that at all. When I get older I want to either be a high school math teacher or an accountant, so as long as I do well in maths I should be fine.

Anyways, in other news I am currently doing an airbrushing certificate II course and it is amazing! We are currently working on an A1 sized black and white portrait of Angelina Jolie and then we are learning how to airbrush on t-shirts which is going to be wicked! Previously I have airbrushed a few different artworks, below is A airbrushed painting of Eddie from the band Live (this was part of our course and I didn't choose this artwork myself. I have also airbrushed batman on an A4 sheet of paper (also part of the course but I love it) and I have airbrushed on a canvas a stencil street art style image of Channing Tatum and I love it! The Channing was a artwork I did myself when I had spare time in classes. 

 Just a fun fact about me: I am a Math, Science, Art kinda girl and not at all and English, History, Music person at all.

Im trying to figure out what else has been happening in my life.. OH! ~Prepare for mini rant!~ So there is this girl and I really really REALLY just want to give her a piece of my mind. She is the kinda person that does things just to irritate or anger someone else on purpose. Aka a b*tch. We all know this person, a person who doesn't give a sh*t about anyone else and treats everyone like crap 90% of the time. Usually I would say something to this person but for reasons I can't share that's not really an option, it would cause waaay too much drama. I just want to let everyone know that if you're doing this, it's not cool and you should cut it out because all that's gonna happen is you're going to loose friends. You cant say something rude to someone and then when the respond with something rude be all surprise and butt hurt about it. Me and one of my friends like to call this person princess because she acts like she can do whatever she wants but as soon as it happens to her she sulks and acts like a stuck up princess... Okay rant over...

I really should be revising right now because I am in my food technology class but blog! 

Did anybody attend E3 or see any footage online? I was watching SourceFedNerd (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuCLhzmx0AGnsViXF0Q44tg) cover it and I am totally excited for Sims 4, Far Cry 3, Yoshi's Woolly World and The Master Chief Collection! I am a Xbox lover and so I spend many weekends and weekdays playing Grand Theft Auto 5, Halo Reach, Left for Dead 2, Fable 2, CoD Black Ops 2 and so many more! Love it! One of the best things ever is having a bunch of friends over and eating junk food, listening to music and playing video games. Sounds like an amazing night to me. Last weekend I went to a gathering at one of my mates house. Her, myself and six of the boys literally spent the weekend playing Halo 3, Black Ops 2 and League of Legends and it was great. Some of us didn't even sleep :P I slept for two hours myself. Also, a word of warning: Don't have a sculling compertition with your friend and see who can drink a 600ml energy drink first. It's painful.. 

I've started to somewhat plan tattoos for when I'm older. I was talking to my friend last night and asked him about if he wants a tattoo and then he asked me and we just had a conversation about it. The two tattoo's that I want are kinda 'stereotypical' girl tattoos but the have meaning for me. I want hope written in a fancy script on my left wrist and I want lyrics on the right side of my rib cage, kinda on the side just under boob region. I just think the rib cage tattoo script looks awesome and I love music so yeah. 

Well Im off, hopefully I'll post a bit more in these holidays.

You are what you love, not who loves you.
~ Amelia Jane ~

This should prove to be interesting. ~ RANT ~

Okay, It's time for a rant. 

Today I did one of two things, either:

 A) Stood up for a friend and showed people they can't walk over me.
or
B) Committed social suicide. 

Okay, so here's the story. There's this girl in my year level at school and she falls under a certain "type" of girl. We all know her, she's the girl who can do whatever, whenever and totally get away with it. It's frustrating. Anyway, in one of my classes she mumbled under her breathe that one of my really good mates was a whore, and needless to say this pissed me off. As any teenage girl would have done I proceeded to make a Facebook status and while there was no name nor did it mention what class I was in or even what gender this person was, said "Girl" knew exactly what I was talking about and she private inboxed me. About a minute later, the "Girls" friend inboxed me too. Now, you know when you get a Facebook message and you haven't opened it but you can still see the first sentence or so, well I knew exactly what they wanted to talk about. One said "Is your status about me?" the other saying, "Why did you make a status about "girl?". That's really rude." At first I didn't reply to either of them because I was like 'oh great drama..' but then (and maybe it wasn't the smartest move ever) I messaged "Girl" back saying something along the lines of "What makes you think it is?" and sent her friend a simple. "Okay." 

Before I go any further I would just like to get a few things off my chest. The only reasons I replied was because I knew if I didn't they would think I was scared of them and, let me be clear, I wasn't. I also knew what she had said to my own friend and that made me mad, and I have had enough of people walking over me in my life. It was time I stood up for something/someone/myself/anything. It is crazy to me that people like myself: not an outcast, not a popular kid : can't speak out against someone 'higher' on the social ladder. There is a social protocol, things you can do and things you can't. Everything you do is judged by everyone that knows you did it. That's how society is, that how life is. Now, I'm not saying people will always judge you badly, but they have to make a decision on whether what you have done is 'acceptable' or not. More often than not if one person in the in group decides you have done something unacceptable then every blind sheep and their uncle will follow that judgement. That said there are exceptions to this rule and I'm making a generalisation. It is expected of everybody in high school, a work place, in society to act a certain way, you can't be unpredictable because that makes you weird/strange/odd or whatever word you would like to use. This whole concept I have abided by, until now. Why should I have to sit back while calls my friend a whore or crazy or bi-sexual. Not saying that any sexual orientation is wrong, just that it was frustrating that this "Girl" could get away with saying it when she hasn't had a conversation with either of the girls she was talking about. So, today was the say that I decided, NO. I'm going to stand my ground and I may regret it at first, but I'm 99% sure I will think I did the right thing in the distant future. I'm not going to act a certain way because it is what I'm expected to do. I'm simply going to do what I think is right because I believe it is the right thing to do. 

You still with me? I know this is a lot of writing but I intend to get everything off my chest. 

Anyway, needless to say standing up for myself didn't go down well with this "Girl" nor her friend. One of the main points the friend brought up to me was that I should have said what I thought to "Girl"s face rather than putting it in a status. Now look, I understand that maybe I should have done that in the first place, but I never really meant for it to get this out of hand. Let that be a lesson, be careful what you put on the internet. This frustrated me however, and so I responded with... "Same goes for her though, next time she wants to call one of my mates a whore, say it or keep it to herself, don't just mumble it to the people around you." and I meant it. This "Girl" is so hypocritical. How dare she tell me to say shit to her face when she mumbles insults all the time. *The rage is strong with this one* The arguments continued and in the end I just told them I had better things to do, but before I said that I made sure they knew that I wasn't just going to delete the status and act like nothing happened. So much happens and no one says anything, it's bullying. I was standing up for a friend and I'll be damned if they thought that I was going to back off and shut up because of their 'social ranking.' 

It's 1:09 am right now on a Saturday morning so at least everything has a weekend to calm down slightly. If this happens again, I'm going to be really pissed off. I don't want anything bad to happen, I just want to make it clear that no matter what they think they aren't above me nor my friends or anybody else for that matter. Too much of this happens in society. If this is the reason why I don't talk to certain social lights or get invited to parties, so be it. I'll have my friends, I'll have my boyfriend and one girl isn't going to take that away. At least I will think I have done the right thing in not letting this go unnoticed. I have no regrets. 

That's all for tonight. Time will tell how this went down at school.
Until next time, speak up for what you believe in.

~ Amelia Jane ~

PS: Gotta Love Sheldon <3